Over the past 12 months or so, I’ve witnessed a handful of my male friends go through significant, life-threatening health issues. Thankfully, they are all still with us, and for the majority of them at least, it has been a wake-up call and a realization that certain lifestyle factors like diet, exercise and work-induced stress need to be managed better.
Sadly, and also interestingly, the women I’ve known who have had significant health issues, haven’t made it. This isn’t a scientific study so I won’t attempt to draw any conclusions here.
But one thing is clear: we - Gen X, that is - are at a stage of life where we can no longer pretend that we are going to live forever. It’s sad, but true. And most of us are watching our parents age, if we haven’t lost one or both of them already.
I had a major health event a decade ago - stress-induced by the burden of being a solo parent, running businesses for others, and then for myself, and basically trying to hold up my world every day. You can read all about it - but the long and short of it was that if I hadn’t had a major emergency surgery at 2am one morning, I wouldn’t be here to write for you today.
That was, in many ways, a turning point in my life. The six-week recuperation, during which I claimed short term disability and actually slowed the f**k down, was in many ways, one of the best times of my life. As a typical Gen X’er who copes, doesn’t ask for help and certainly doesn’t look like I need help, it was a revelation to me that people actually wanted to show up for me, support me and keep things rolling at home for my then 13-year old son.
As I emerged from this episode, I took a long hard look at my life. Number one: I had to manage my stress better. The odd yoga class just wasn’t cutting it. Number two: I needed to find something in my life that was bigger than parenting and work. It needed to be something I was passionate about and that could engage my brain in learning something difficult. I like a challenge.
I solved Number One by signing up for a week-long meditation retreat in Bali. You can read about that here. I had tried to meditate in the past, but had never been successful trying to learn on my own. The retreat was a really good way of doing it with a teacher, in community with others on the same journey. I highly recommend it. I maintained a very strong practice for years afterwards, and this is a good reminder to start a daily habit again. It really does help slow things down, bring clarity and create new neural pathways in your brain.
Number Two, turned out to be something my son triggered. I’d always loved horses and whenever we traveled together I would take him riding: Ireland, Thailand, Italy, the Bay Area. After an exhilarating gallop on the Connemara moors, he told me that he wanted to take it up seriously. So I took the opportunity to jump in as well.
About six months after my surgery, I realized that riding the borrowed ponies at the barn down the road, wasn’t cutting it. So I embarked upon buying a horse of my own. I knew nothing - although of course, I thought I was an expert. I ended up buying a barely-ridden three year old mare in the summer of 2017. (Which is akin to having a kindergartner who is just about capable of doing tumble tots gymnastics). And so a new chapter of my life began.
I won’t bore you with all the details of our journey together, but I’d be happy to, so just ask. Suffice to say, she - Quintessa - changed my life. About a year after buying her, my son persuaded me to buy him his own horse, so all of a sudden we had two horses and life was looking very different.
Being an equestrian has checked all the boxes: my desire to learn something new, take up an all-consuming hobby, stay fit, and meet new people. I have many "barn" friends, and through competing at horse shows up and down California, a new way to earn hotel points.
I’ve learned how to drive a truck and trailer, and replace a tire on the side of the freeway. (I don’t recommend this). And I moved house during the pandemic to buy a little farm so that I could take care of my horses at home. I conned myself into believing that I’d be saving money by not paying a barn to care for them.
Truthfully, the increased mortgage and the consumption of all my disposable income on renovating the house and maintaining it, has negated any financial benefit, but for now, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Instead what I’ve gained is a pursuit I’m passionate about. A lifestyle that keeps me super fit and active, and these two amazing beings in my life who have their own big (huge) personalities and are constantly keeping me on my toes. What’s more, they have taught me to stay present in the moment. You can’t ride a horse and fret about work, or what’s for dinner. They know it immediately and will take the opportunity to spook at a sparrow and you’ll hit the deck.
So this is all a very roundabout way of saying, life is short. What’s on your bucket list? Now is the time to go and make it happen.
My lovely hairdresser has become an expert white water rafter and found a new lease of life. Another dear friend is pursuing a different equestrian discipline to mine. A girlfriend took up the piano and promised her friend a private recital within six months. I met a new acquaintance yesterday who has taken up sewing classes. One of my closest girlfriends is now a highly accomplished artist.
So WTF Gen X? If not now, then when?